last wednesday was my birthday, but the next morning i woke up to get ready for school and all. the earliest day of my week. and the last day of my week. so im really tired and out of it. my dads chillin the bathroom doing his thing and im doing mine. and he brings up that he went to the dermatologist the day before and they found a mole on his body that has signs of being cancerous. like all the signs of being cancer. i went throughout my whole day living life normally as if nothing ever happened. and i came home early that day. collapsed in my bed and wept. how could something like this be happening? i quickly remember my friend that i had been following up with that their parent was dealing with cancer. and if anything they would know what needed to be said and would place the honest truth infront of me. as the week went on people celebrated my birthday and how important my life is to them. and the irony of it all was that my dad could be dying. i didnt know what to feel. i slowly began to find people to confide in. and i found my community. the people that really cared for me and prayed over me. i couldnt have felt more comforted by anything else but prayer.

in this week. i wanted to fight with God. but above all. when it came down to it. i knew He was the one to go to. i refused to be angry with Him. i promised that if it was cancer that i would never turn my back on Him because His plan is greater.

my dad was working from home today as i walked out the door to go to class. i felt like everything was meaningless. i felt like staying home all day being with my dad. i mean isnt time so precious. but really it took the risk of my dads life for me to fully appreciate him and my mother. this whole ordeal really pushed me to prioritize.

i sat in my second class today. my phone rang and it was my dad. scared and nervous i quickly made my way outside the class. the first things out of his mouth were “good news”, he doesnt have cancer. the mole had cells that like are usually found with cancer cells or something. i dont know. my understanding is that if they hadnt found it the time they did it would have led to cancer.

i still dont even know what to feel. experiencing so many emotions in a short amount of time. and i feel so emotionally/spiritually drained. ive been extremely tired since thursday of last week. i think its taken really everything ive had to try to process everything and to remain in relationship with God. and now that its over i dont know where to go from here. i feel like im looking at life in a new perspective. and whats next for me has to continue. God’s will, not mine.

i love you<3